Daria The Hunter
by gonegonegonegonegone
Summary: Daria's Aunt Amy Dies, and her ghost wants Daria to take over her job as...MONSTER HUNTER!!
1. Daria: The Hunter

# Daria: The Hunter

  
A Daria Fan Fiction/Halloween special.  
  
By  [Crazy Nutso][1]   
  


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Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction (or a desperate plea for help....you be the judge) Daria & her amazing friends are ™ and © MTV. Daria and all other characters belong to MTV, but were created by Glenn Eichler and Susie Lewis . Doesn't that just suck? All music, pop culture references, and the like are probably ® ™ and © also but I'm to damn lazy to look it up. Used without permission...Please don't sue me :>]   


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The traditional opening begins, but you'll notice things are SPOOOKIER. You know, big cobwebs, bats flying around that kind of thing.  
  
The Logo screen reads: Daria in: "Daria: The Hunter".  


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**

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ACT I. Death of Aunt Amy

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**  
**Scene 1. STOP Haunting me!**  
  
We see the inside of Daria's room. It's obviously night, and the light is coming from a mysterious glow. The camera zooms in on Daria, who is asleep. The glowing grows brighter, as if whatever It's that's glowing is approaching Daria. Suddenly a mysterious voice cries out:
    
    **voice:Daria! Wake up! (Daria jolts awake. She puts on her glasses and looks directly at the camera (ie, at the glowing thing) The camera pans back to reveal the glowing thing is...) Daria:Aunt Amy? What are you doing here? And why are you glowing like that? Aunt Amy:This will be hard for you to understand, Daria but you must believe me. I was killed last night. What you see before you is my spirit. Daria:Ok, I get it. I'm dreaming. (Daria reaches for a lamp). Aunt Amy:Don't....(The light goes on, and the ghostly Aunt Amy disappears) (faint) **turn the light back off.** Daria:(she turns the light off, and Aunt Amy reappears). Stupid dream. Aunt Amy:This is NOT a ...(Sees that Daria's not buying it) OK fine, It's a dream. Now why don't you follow me through this magic portal I've put in your closet. Daria:Magic portal? Man I never have stupid dreams like this. (She opens the closet door, to reveal a glowing portal) I'm not going in there. Aunt Amy:Ok fine. We'll just sit around here in your bedroom until Trent shows up. You HAVE had THOSE kinds of dreams, haven't you? Daria:(blushing) Well yes but not with YOU here. Umm...Maybe I'll go through the portal after all. Aunt Amy:(to herself) Works every time.**

Daria steps through the glowing portal in her closet and is transported to.....the next scene!  
  
**Scene 2. Aunt Amy's secret Lair  
  
** Daria finds herself in a large gym. There are all kinds of exercise equipment, weapons, bookshelves filled with books, computers and other stuff. It's reminiscent of the batcave, but It's not in a cave, and their aren't any bats around. Once again Daria is confronted by the glowing Aunt Amy.
    
    **Daria:What is this place? Aunt Amy:This is my lair. Where I do my research, training, store my weapons, and also relax. Daria:But where exactly is it? Aunt Amy:In a ' pocket dimension '. The science of it is a little hard to explain... Daria:Meaning you don't know. Aunt Amy:Right. My mentor didn't know either. Anyhow this is where you'll train to become a _mamano_ hunter, as I was. Daria:_mamano_ hunter? What's that? Aunt Amy:A _mamano_ hunter is someone who hunts and kills monsters. You know vampires, golems, zombies... Daria:(looking at Aunt Amy's ghost) What about ghosts? Aunt Amy:(oblivious) No we can't go after ghosts. That's a whole different union. I can't begin to tell you the trouble we'd be in if we went after ghosts...(catches on to what Daria was thinking) HEY! Forget it! (smugly)There's an agreement between the _mamano_ hunters and the Ghost catcher's union, which keeps them from getting rid of mentor ghosts. Which is what I am to you. I had intended to start your training this summer, but I died before I got a chance. From now on, you may address me as 'Amy' or 'Mentor'. Daria:So basically what you're saying is you want me to take over your _mamano_ hunting job? Amy:Yes. Daria:How much does it pay? Amy:(sounds outraged) PAY? Daria:Well, a girl's got to eat. Amy:I'm offering you the opportunity to protect mankind from evil and all you can ask about is the pay? Daria:Have you seen mankind lately? Amy:The opportunity to be in peak physical and mental condition. Access to ancient and modern wisdom beyond anything you've dreamed. Mystical power! Daria:What about health benefits? Amy:As a _mamano_ hunter, you'd be granted near immortality! Daria:(looks pointedly at Amy's ghost) Oh really? Amy:Ok, Ok you _can_ be _killed_ but you WON'T age! Daria:Wow, mom & Quinn would do it just for that. Amy:(sighs) Look Daria, it's already been a hard night for me, getting killed and all. Why don't you go back to your room, sleep the rest of the night and we'll discuss it tomorrow night. Daria:Fine. (to herself) I've got to stop eating Dad's cooking. It's giving me weird dreams. (She steps into the glowing portal and disappears. Camera pan to Amy's Ghost) Amy:This is going to be harder than I thought.**

The Scene fades out to black.  
  
**Scene 3. Morning in the 'Burbs  
  
** Daria's room. We see from the light streaming into the room that It's morning. Daria wakes up, and looks around the room. She goes slowly over to the closet. Standing back slightly, she opens to door. There is nothing there.
    
    **Daria:Whew, just a stupid dream. Helen:(through the bedroom door) Daria? Are you up? Daria:(opens the door, Helen comes in. Helen looks a bit ruffled) I'm awake. What's going on? Helen:Sweety I just got a call from your Aunt Rita. It seems your Aunt Amy was in some kind of accident. Daria:You mean she's dead? Helen:(Sounds surprised) Yes, honey, I'm afraid so. Your father and I will have to be out of town for a few weeks. Amy apparently had her funeral all planned out, and she's flying Rita, your father, me and your grandmother out to Santa Monica, CA for her funeral. Plus she wanted me to take care of her estate. We might be gone for a while. Daria:(Sounds shocked) How did this happen? Helen:We're not sure, Daria. The body was found in a field in Ohio. No one knows what she was doing there. She appears to have been mauled by some large animal. It's all very strange. But anyhow, We have to go and do this. Since you girls are still in school, you'll have to stay here. Daria:You mean I have to babysit Quinn? Helen:No, she's asked to stay with Sandi, and I've agreed. I've also asked Mrs. Lane to look in on you, so you won't have to worry. We'll be gone before you get back from school, so take care.**

Daria looks completely out of it. We see a montage of the day's events including:  
  

* Daria in class, she still looks dazed & is completely ignoring Mr. O'Neill.
  
  

* Daria walking home alone. The camera pans back to the front of the school, where Jane is apparently looking for Daria, as if they usually meet to walk home, but Daria forgot.
  
  

* Daria sitting in a chair in the living room. No one else is there, and she seems lost in thought.
  
  

    
    Amy:Do you think you could turn off the lights? **Daria:Amy? (she quickly turns off the lights, and the glowing Amy appears) What's going on here? Amy:So do you realize this _isn't_ a dream now? Daria:Yes, it's not a dream. (beat) My mind has snapped. Amy:Your mind hasn't snapped Daria. Look let's discuss this in the lair. Daria:But the portal was gone. Amy:It's only visible when I want it to be. When you learn to create your own portals, then you'll understand. Daria:Fine.**

Daria goes upstairs and opens her closet, revealing a glowing portal. She steps through.  
  
**Scene 3. Back to the lair.  
  
** It's the same as it was before. Daria is now looking at the books on the shelf.
    
    **Amy:So are you ready to begin the training? Daria:Wait a minute. I never said... Amy:Look Daria, I know this is all strange to you, but we _have_ to get the training started. Halloween is in 2 weeks, and you have to be ready by then. Daria:But I'm not sure if I want... Amy:(Sighs) I was hoping you wouldn't force me to do this but...(singing) _I remember all my life..._ Daria:What are you doing? Amy:(singing)_raining down as cold as ice shadows of a man a face through a window_ (at this point MTV thoughtfully adds in the music in the background)_ lying in the night the night goes into morning, just another day happy people pass my way. Looking in their eyes I see a memory I never realized how happy you made me OH MANDY well you came and you gave without taking but I sent you away..._ Daria:STOP! Why are you singing Barry Manilow? Amy:Because if you don't agree to be a _Mamano_ hunter, I'm going to sing to you for every second of your lousy stinking life. Daria:You make a persuasive argument, Amy. (Sighs) Fine, I'll go through the stupid training. Amy:Your enthusiasm is staggering. Let's get started.**

Time for yet another montage. This time it's Daria getting her _Mamano_ hunter training.  
  


  * Daria reading various old looking books.
  
  

  * Daria with a sword, slashing at robotic opponents.
  
  

  * Daria mimicking Amy, who is going through complex looking martial arts moves.
  
  

  * Daria throwing silver knives at a target, hitting nothing.
  
  

  * Daria making mystic gestures in an attempt to open a magic portal, but nothing happens.
  
  

  * Daria throwing knives at a target, getting all bullseyes.
  
  

  * Daria with a gun blasting the heck out of a target.
  
  

  * Daria running through a 'confidence course'. She does a roll, a vampire pops up, and she throws a wood stake at it, hitting right at the heart. As she goes farther, a werewolf pops up, catching a silver knife in its heart.
  
  

  * Daria opening a magic portal.
  
  


We see Daria & Amy standing in the lair.
    
    **Amy:Well let's see if you can open a portal. Daria:OK, but how do I know where it'll lead? Amy:Just concentrate, and we'll see. And don't forget to take some weapons. Daria:Say, how come I come here and train all night, but I still go to school all day and I'm never tired? Amy:That's one of the advantages of being a _Mamano_ hunter. You don't _ need_ sleep. Daria:Great. I guess that's so I can work a day job, huh? Amy:(sighs) Look, let's just get through the portal, OK?**

Daria makes mystical gestures and a magic portal appears. Daria enters and is magically transported to...the next scene.  
  
**Scene 4. _Thriller!_  
  
** We see Daria coming out of a portal. Then the portal disappears. We see that she is in a cemetary. Aunt Amy appears at her side.
    
    **Amy:(quietly) You were thinking about me, weren't you? Daria:Yes. Amy:Well you might as well see the stone. (The camera zooms in on a fresh grave. The stone reads "She lived fast, loved hard, and died with her boots on.") Daria:Nice inscription. Amy:Thanks, I bet your mom _hated_ it! Uh oh! Daria:What's the matter? Amy:Look! (she points, and we see a crowd of zombies approaching) You _did_ bring a weapon, didn't you? Daria:Sure. (She pulls out a big, old west 6-shooter) yeah just go for the heads, right? Amy:Yeah (notices the gun) A 6-shooter? What were you thinking? There's at _least_ 20 of them. Daria:Watch & Learn, _mentor_. (Daria fires of 6 shots rapidly. We see 6 zombies drop) Amy:So now what smarty pants? Daria:(Pulls a sword out from a holder on her back) Now it gets personal.**

Daria holds the sword over her head and runs at the zombies. You'll notice that the zombies she killed fell down, leaving a nice path right through the middle of the crowd of zombies. She runs through the crowd twice, back and fourth through the holes she made, swinging her sword. As she emerges, she puts her sword away. The camera pans to the zombies, who look normal for a minute, then all their heads fall off.
    
    **Daria:(Looking completely at ease) Not bad, huh? Amy:Not bad....for a rookie. Daria:(glares) Do we have to clean this mess up? Amy:(points, we see the zombies are all gone) They dissolve into dust after a few minutes. Thats why civilians rarely see monsters. Let's head back to the lair.**

Daria opens a portal, and steps through.  
  
Commercials:  
  


> Zit medication. Those sticky pads that pull gross stuff off your face. More zit medicine. Nair. M-TV's latest show about Brittany Spears (they have a million of these) that they're going to put on instead of Daria reruns. Still more zit medication.

  
end 'o commercials  
  
**

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ACT II. SPOOKY!

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**  
**Scene 1. Halloween Day, after school.  
  
** Daria is walking home from school. We see Jane run up and join her.
    
    **Jane:Hey! Daria! Wait up. Where have you been all week? Daria:(sounds guilty, realizes she hasn't seen much of Jane during her training). Oh, well I've been kind of busy lately, Jane...Sorry. Jane:(sounds concerned) That's OK, Daria. I heard about your Aunt Amy. How are you holding up? Daria:I'm OK, I guess. (wants to change the subject) So you've been seeing a lot of Tom lately, haven't you? Jane:Yes, but he thought it would be a good idea for me to see you tonite. So what do you want to do? Daria:(torn, she wants to hang out with her friend, but she realizes she has her _mamano_ responsibilities) why don't you just come over and hang out for a while? Jane:Cool. (They walk on to Daria's house. They go into the living room. Time passes, we now see it's dark outside, and the moon is just coming out.) Jane:Is it getting _hot_ in here, or is it just me? Daria:Are you OK? You look funny. (We suddenly see Jane from Daria's perspective. Jane has a strange brown glow around her, and it's getting darker). Jane:I don't know. I just feel so hot. And ITCHY!**

Suddenly the camera shows the window, where the full moon is clearly visible. Camera pans back to Jane, who suddenly begins to transform. I was a Teenage Werewolf by _The Cramps_ plays as Jane changes. Her face is suddenly covered in fur, and it expands to a wolf face. we see her hands turn into paws and large claws pop out. She looks at Daria and manages to say one thing before the transformation is complete:
    
    **Jane:(faint)**_sorry_.

Suddenly Jane leaps at Daria, who, despite her shock, manages to grab her and toss her across the room.
    
    **Daria:Dammit! Amy! Aunt Amy! I need you!**

Jane again leaps at Daria, and Daria throws her again, this time into a chair, which Jane tears to bits.
    
    **Daria:Dammit! I can't trash the house. Mom will kill me.**

Using her mystic powers, Daria opens a portal and quickly leaps through it. Jane leaps after her.  
  
**Scene 2. Fight in the lair.  
  
** I was a Teenage Werewolf by _The Cramps_ is still playing. We see the lair, with an open portal. Suddenly Daria comes through. She quickly ducks down so she is right beneath the portal. Then Jane comes through in a leap. Daria catches Jane and hurls her at the far wall. As Jane is flying, Daria rummages around for something. Jane manages to turn in midair, hits the wall with her feet, and bounces off it. She goes flying at Daria. Daria hurls something at Jane. It unfurls in the air. It is a net, and it wraps around Jane. She drops to the floor.
    
    **Daria:Silver thread net. That will hold you for a while. The more you struggle, the worse entangled you'll become. (Jane makes unintelligible sounds, like an animal caught in a trap). Amy:It's a _werewolf_ Daria. You just stick a silver knife through it's heart, and PRESTO! no more werewolf. Daria:(Glares at Amy) This particular _werewolf_ HAPPENS to be my best friend. And where the _HELL_ where you? Amy:Something is blocking me from appearing in Lawndale. Something BIG is going down tonite. Daria:Yeah, Yeah, my best friend just tried to kill me. It's a tough old world. AHA! Here we are. (she has been rummaging around through an old desk. She comes out with a hypodermic needle. She approaches Jane who is still struggling in the net. She sticks the needle in Jane, and injects her. In a few seconds, Jane is silent). Now, according to what I've read in these books of yours, Their are 2 basic types of werewolves. Normal and Drudges. A Drudge is someone who has just become a werewolf. They are subservient to whatever werewolf turned them into a werewolf. But if THAT werewolf is slain, the Drudge is freed. Amy:(Thoughtful) Yeah, and whoever it is must be someone relatively new to this area. I swept the area for monsters not more than 6 months ago. Daria:(shoving silver bullets into a six shooter) Then I know who it is. (more to herself then to Amy) This is gonna be _SWEET_.**

Daria opens a mystic portal, and disappears through it.   
  
**Scene 3. Gratuitous cameos.  
  
** Daria appears outside a sleazy looking bar. She goes inside. She sees Tom shooting pool. We see from her perspective that he has that brown glow around him. He turns around and sees her just as she reaches him.
    
    **Tom:Daria? I'm surprised to see _you_ here. Daria:Surprised to see me here alive, you mean. (she pulls the gun) Tom:(mocking look on his face) What kind of gun can kill a werewolf? Daria:One that fires silver bullets (She very nearly pulls the trigger, but Tom knocks it out of her hand before she can. He has transformed into a wolf almost instantly. She kicks him hard in the face, and he is knocked back. Daria spins around to look for her gun. Tom leaps after her, and just as his claws are preparing to tear into her back we hear:) Voice:Take this you cheap pickup artist! (We hear several gunshots. One of them catches Tom in the heart, and he immediatly falls to the floor, then turns into dust.**

The voice belongs to an older woman, who looks somewhat like an older version of Daria, but with contact lenses that work. She's wearing a white hat, and holding the gun.
    
    **Daria:Can I have my gun back, please? Lady: (let's call her SBBED D.) Oh sure. Here. (she hands the gun to Daria). Daria:Thanks. (Daria hurries out of the club.) SBBED D.:(Yelling after Daria) Trent loves YOU! GO FOR IT! Another voice: (let's call it 'CN') She didn't hear that. SBBED D:How do you know? CN:(Gives her a look) So did you enjoy that? (he gestures to the pile of dust) SBBED D:YES! But I've got a feeling he'll be back. CN:Look on the bright side. Maybe in season 4 they'll make him into a jerk. SBBED D:(Hopefull) Do you really think so? CN:(Serious) No.**

The scene fades out, and the reader is left wondering what the &%$*# that was all about.  
  
**Scene 4. Back at the Morgendorffer home.  
  
** Daria and Jane are back in the Morgendorffer living room. Jane is still covered in fur, but she isn't completely wolf-like either. She appears to be in full control again.
    
    **Jane:(pacing) I can't believe you left me there in that net. I can't believe I'm a werewolf. I can't believe my best friend is a vampire hunter.... Daria:_mamano_ hunter. Jane:Whatever. And I can't believe you talk to your dead aunt. Daria:I can't believe I'm letting you shed all over our carpet. At least this night can't get any worse...**

As if on cue, we see a bat briefly fly in front of the full moon as seen through the window. It resembles an emblem worn by a well known crime fighter, but not _too_ much like it, 'cause we don't want to get sued. The bat crashes through the window, and transforms into a vampire. Daria grabs it by the throat and pins it to a wall. She is holding the vampire by her neck, and she has a wooden stake in the other hand. We see the vampire is Monique.
    
    **Daria:I'm about to make a lot of 'shippers' very happy. Monique:NO! Wait! I have a message. Daria:What's the message? Monique:"We have Trent. Be at Cashmans in Cranberry Commons soon. Or we kill him. -Fashion club." Daria:That's the whole message? Their's nothing more for you to add? Monique:Nope! (Daria plunges the stake into her heart) AHH! Daria:Great, now I've got to clean vampire dust up, too. Jane:But what about Trent. Daria:We'll go get him. You can be my furry sidekick. Jane:Thanks. But are you just gonna portal there? Daria:No, I think we'll need some additional equipment. To the _mamano_ hunter lair, Robin. Jane:Don't call me Robin. They step through a portal and disappear.**

**Scene 5. Back in the lair.  
  
** Daria & Jane are in a different part of the lair. There's a computer, and a car covered by a tarp.
    
    **Daria:Hmm. they seem to have a lot of flunkies. (we see the computer screen. It is obviously the security camera at Cranberry commons. It shows numerous thugs with machine guns, patrolling the halls of the mall) They've got Trent right in front of Cashmans. This'll be a cinch. Jane:A CINCH? Look at all those thugs! Daria:_Mortal_ thugs. And they've got Trent right next to that big window that leads outside. Ever see the movie Blues Brothers? Jane:But what are we using for wheels. Daria:_The Bandit_ (She pulls the tarp off the car to reveal a Black '78 Pontiac Firebird w/ T-tops) Jane:_The Bandit_? Daria:Aunt Amy was big on naming things. Let's go!**

Daria and Jane jump into the car. Daria opens a huge portal in front of the car, and she screeches the tires and enters the portal.  
  
**Scene 6. Along the way to the mall.  
  
** Daria and Jane are in _The Bandit_ rushing down the rode.
    
    **Jane:So what's the plan? Daria:We crash through the window at Cashmans. You grab Trent, while I lay down cover fire. Jane:(Sees Daria's AK-47) What're you packin'? Daria:It fires an alternate of wooden bullets/silver bullets. I like to keep all my bases covered. You get Trent back into the car, then we make a quick trip around the mall, throwing out all of these things (she holds up a round thing) Jane:What're those? Daria:Explosives. They have little claws inside them that grip to whatever they hit when they're tossed. We'll set them all over the mall. Jane:Cool! Well, there's the mall. Daria:You ready? Jane:I was _BORN_ ready! Daria:Let's hit it! (we see her hit some buttons on the panel, then she accelerates. We see the car headed toward the mall. As it approaches, all the lights in the parking lot go out. Daria's lights do not go on. We see the car headed straight for the big window in front of Cashmans).**

**Scene 7. BURN DOWN THE MALL!  
  
** During this scene, Burn Down The Malls by _Mojo Nixon & Skid Roper_ plays in the background. We see the front of Cashmans. The fashion club is there, as well as a bunch of flunkies (including the 3 j's). Trent is tied up and laying on a table. Some computer geeks are also there, working at computers, there are also security monitors set up, which Sandi is watching.
    
    **Sandi:Monique never came back. The hunter _MUST_ have gotten the message. Do you see anything? Geek:No. The lot is clear. (suddenly, the parking lot goes dark). Oh uh! Sandi:Get those lights back up AT ONCE! Geek:(Quickly pressing buttons) Someone's hacked the system! I've lost control!**

The camera pans to the window of Cashmans. We can't see anything but darkness, but suddenly there is a flash of lightning, and we see _The Bandit_ headed straight for the window. There is an enormous crash as the car comes flying through the window. We see the 3 j's run over (people are always getting run over in fanfics!) as _The Bandit_ comes screeching to a halt.
    
    **Daria:Look upon me, creatures of evil, and despair for I am (Dramatic pause) _Mamano_ Hunter Daria, and I am you DOOM! Prepare to die, creatures of Darkness! Jane:(to Daria) What's that all about? Daria:(to Jane) Union regulations. I have to make one cheesy speech every so often. Let's go!**

Daria pops out of the T-top and opens fire with her machine gun. Jane leaps out of the car and races to where Trent is. She slashes 2 guards and the ropes with her claws, picks Trent up and rushes back to the car. She tosses Trent in the back.
    
    **Jane:Let's go!**

Daria burns rubber. They drive throughout the mall, scattering flunkies and tossing the round explosive devices. Then they crash out through a different window, and speed across the parking lot. The camera shifts back to the fashion club. Sandi and the geek are looking at one of the round explosive devices.
    
    **Sandi:What is it? Geek:It's an explosive! Sandi:(worried) Can you defuse it? Geek:It's not fused. These types of explosives requires a huge explosion to set it off. Stacy:Would a T189 type missile be enough to set them all off? Geek:Certainly, but where would Daria get... why do you ask? Stacy:(Points at a security monitor)**

We see on the monitor Daria, sitting on the driver's side door of _The Bandit_. She's holding a rocket launcher, and we see 'T189' printed clearly on the missile. Then the camera moves so we can see a close up of Daria. She has her 'Mona Lisa' smile on. Then we see the missile launch. It hits the center of the mall. There is an explosion there, then we see the whole mall go up in a huge fireball. Daria tosses the rocket launcher aside and gets back behind the wheel. She puts it in gear and takes off.
    
    **Jane:Hey what's the hurry? You don't think anyone survived _that_ do you? Daria:Fire doesn't stop vampires, See? (Daria points to the rear view mirror, which shows us some bats chasing the car). Take the wheel! (Daria pulls a gun out of the glove box and pops out of the T-top.) Keep her steady. Jane:(She's trying to drive from the passenger side.) right!**

Camera shows Daria standing up on the driver's seat. She holds a gun and carefully aims it. We see 4 huge bats flying. Then we hear a shot. One of the bats stops suddenly, turns into Tiffany, drops to the ground, rolls around a few times, then turns to dust.
    
    **Daria:(With satisfaction in her voice) One down. Hold her steady and I'll nail the rest. Jane:Um...Daria. Daria:Just hold it steady for a... Jane:Daria! (Daria drops back down into the driver's seat. The camera pans to show us the view from her perspective. Her entire field of vision is filled with the image of the big strawberry) Jane & Daria:(In unison) SHIT!**

We see _The Bandit_ crash into the big strawberry. The big strawberry is an enormous ceramic strawberry that is Lawndale's only roadside attraction. It shatters into a million pieces. We see the remaining fashion club arrive and examine the wreckage. Only Trent is inside the car, and he's still asleep. The fashion club turns their backs on _The Bandit_. Suddenly, the trunk pops open and Daria pops out. She has 2 crossbows, 1 in each hand. She fires both, and hits Quinn and Stacy, who turn to dust. Sandi leaps at her and they roll down a hill.
    
    **Sandi:You bitch! You and that sister of yours have been nothing but trouble for me since you moved her. (she has her hands around Daria's neck) I'LL ENJOY THIS!! Daria:Not as much as I'LL enjoy THIS! (she breaths at Sandi. Sandi screams in pain) Triple garlic pizza. (She shoves a wooden stake through Sandi's heart. Sandi turns to dust) That takes care of... Linda:(Grabs Daria by the throat) You didn't expect ME did you? I'll enjoy this only slightly less than I'll enjoy RIPPING your mother to SHREDS! (we see Daria's face, which once again has her 'Mona Lisa' smile) Jane:(Behind Linda with a wooden stake) Surprise! (Linda turns to dust) Let's get Trent back to the lair and see if he's alright.**

Daria & Jane jump into _The Bandit_ and tear out. A big portal opens up, and they drive into it.  
  
**Scene 8. Back in the lair, yet again.  
  
** Daria and Jane are placing Trent on a table in the lair. Daria is looking at him strangely. We see from her perspective that he has a light purple glow around him. 
    
    **Daria:We have a problem. Jane:I see it. (she indicates his neck. We see the bite marks). Daria:There's only one cure for vampireism. (she raises a wooden stake over her head) I'll make this quick...**

Commercial Break (don't ya just hate that?):  
  
We see a tall man with a beer belly, wearing jeans and a 'Punks not Dead' T-shirt. He's in a plain room with 2 chairs and a tv.
    
    **CN:(Troy Mcclure voice, from the Simpsons) Hello, I'm Crazy Nutso. You may remember me from such fanfics as Excess and Daria: The Hunter. But I'm here today to take you behind the scenes for a minute. Little Timmy:What are we seeing today Mr Nutso? CN:What the... Oh, hello little Timmy. You see Timmy, sometimes in shows, and even fanfics, they make more than one scene for a show. The reason is one scene might make a certain group happy, but another group unhappy. In this case, the scene involves Daria preparing to drive a stake into the heart of her beloved Trent, who has been turned into a vampire. The first one we'll see was made for the shippers. Roll film!**

The camera pans to the tv, we see the 3...2...1 countdown then we see Daria holding a wooden stake over Trent, about to plunge it into him.
    
    **Daria:(Tears in her eyes) I've always loved you Trent! Trent:(suddenly wakes up) I've always loved you too! Daria:Oh what a tragedy, that our love can never be! Alas, Farewell my Love! Trent:Farewell, oh love of my life!  Daria plunges the stake into Trent's heart. she is crying. Trent dissolves into dust.**

The camera pans back, to show CN and little Timmy.
    
    **Timmy:That was really sappy! CN:Heh, heh you're right little Timmy. And this next version may be more to your liking. It was designed for the 'anti-shippers'. Roll it.**

Once again the camera pans to the Tv, and we see the 3...2...1 countdown and we again see Daria holding a wooden stake over Trent, about to plunge it into him.
    
    **Daria:It's a shame I have to destroy you Trent, as now that my crush on you is over, we could have remained good friends. Trent:(waking up) Yes! Although we are totally wrong for each other, perhaps we could have had a fine friendship. Jane:And Jesse is totally wrong for me. What was I thinking? Daria:Yeah. (she plunges the stake into Trent as the scene ends).**

The camera pans back to CN and little Timmy.
    
    **Timmy:That was better. CN:Heh, yes little Timmy, that was different, wasn't it? And now we return to the show, to see what kind of cop out the writer has taken in the final version of the scene.**

Fade out. End of commercials.  
  
**

* * *

ACT III. Final Showdown!

* * *

**  
**Scene 1. Lair.  
  
** we see Daria holding a wooden stake over Trent, about to plunge it into him. (sound familiar?)
    
    **Daria:Well, here goes! Jane:WAIT A MINUTE!! You went out of your way to not kill me, and now you're just gonna kill Trent? Daria:Eh, thems the breaks. (she plunges the stake, but when it hits Trent, it just bends) Jane:What the.. Daria:Fooled you. It's the old rubber stake gag. I can't believe you fell for it. Jane:But....but... Daria:Never mind. I have more _Mamano_ Hunter business to attend to. You'll have to stay here and guard Trent. Jane:But where... Daria:_Lawndale High_. I think that's the center of the disturbance. I'll see ya later. Jane:Happy Hunting!**

Daria jumps into _The Bandit_ and speeds through a portal.  
  
**Scene 1. Football Auditorium.  
  
** We see _The Bandit_ parked in the school lot. Daria is entering the school's football field. Daria suddenly leaps backwards as what appears to be a giant stone football strikes the ground where she was standing a moment ago. The camera pans to show her assailents. One is a monster created from the bodies of all the football team members, with Kevin's head on it. It is holding a club that has a football at the end, instead of a ball. The other monster is made up of all the cheerleader's bodies, with Brittany's head on top. Her club has a pom pom on the end. Both monsters are 15 feet tall, and quite imposing. Daria pulls out a glowing sword.
    
    **Daria:OK, Time for some magic sword action.**

Daria runs at Kevin. He swings his club at her, but she cuts in in half. She slashes him twice, then runs at Brittany. Brittany smashes her club down at Daria, but Daria dodges left, then runs up the club. She swings her sword, and cuts Brittany's head off. The creature slumps to the ground. Daria doesn't see Kevin behind her, raising the remains of his club. Suddenly a round sword (like the one Xena uses) flys past Daria, cutting Kevin's arm off.
    
    **Jodie:It's all yours, Mack. Mack:Oh, this is gonna be _sweet_! Mack runs at Kevin and leaps into the air. When he is level with Kevin's head, he slashes with his sword. Kevin's head flys off, landing neatly next to Brittany's. Jodie:If you're going to last long in this business, Daria, you're going to have to learn to watch your back. You enjoyed that, didn't you Mack? Mack:Of _course_ not! how can you think such a thing? Heads up! More company. Oh...It's _you_. Andrea:(dressed as usual, but loaded down with weapons) You three seem to have things under control here. Daria:(to Jodie) What's up between those two? Jodie:Proffessional rivalry. Plus they used to date. Daria:Really? When was... Mack:I hate to disturb your gossip, but we need to clear the monsters. There's a big mob of them coming from the front and rear exits. Andrea:I'll take the rear exit. AND I'll be inside before _you two_. Later, Daria. Mack:Let's go Jodie. I'm NOT letting _her_ beat us. Mack and Jodie head toward the front of the school as Andrea heads toward the back. Daria opens a mystic portal. Daria:Luckily, I know a shortcut.**

**Scene 2. Lawndale High.  
  
** The portal takes Daria into the gym. She is immediatly attacked by a hord of zombies. She fights them off. You may recognize many of the zombies as those Lawndale High students that appear in the background of practically every episode of Daria, but never get any lines. Daria slashes through them like they're nothing. Soon she is standing in a pile of zombie dust. She move stealthfully out of the gym. The hallways are patrolled by zombies, but Daria makes short work of them. At last she arrives at the door to Ms. Li's office. She kicks in the door and enters. Ms. Li is inside. She is chanting over the dead body of Mr. O'Neill.
    
    **Ms. LiSpawn of Hell, accept this sacrifice and open unto me a portal into hell, that I may recruit my hellish army! Daria:Not so fast! Ms. LiHA! You're too late _ MS. Morgendorffer_!**

Indeed, as Ms. Li speaks, a crack appears in the floor. The glowing fires of hell are visible, as it begins to grow. We can hear demons inside preparing to invade the human realm.
    
    **Daria:That's what _you_ think, Ms. Li!**

Daria thrusts her glowing, magic sword into the floor. She begins a mystic chant, and a glow appears at the floor where her sword is. The glow spreads toward the crack, and the crack slowly starts to seal over. Ms. Li changes into a harpie and flies at Daria.
    
    **Ms. Li:No! I will not allow you to ruin my plans! Suddenly a now familiar round sword flies into the room, cutting through one of Ms. Li's wings, then the other on the way back. Jodie is in the doorway, and she catches it and replaces it on her belt. Jodie:I've wanted to do that for a long time. Ms Li:(Falling into the crack) I'll be back! Jodie:Well, that's that. And that's twice I've saved your ass, Daria. Daria:I guess I owe you guys a pizza. Andrea:HEY! I helped too! Daria:Fine. Pizza party at my house. Tonight, then we can figure out how to explain this mess to my parents. Jodie:Don't worry about it. When the national guard shows up, they'll clean everything up and blame it on terrorists. See ya later. Andrea:Let's hunt together sometime, 'Kay? Daria:Um..Sure, but I've already got a sidekick. Andrea:HEY!**

They all leave. Fade out.  
  
**Scene 3. Morgendorffer residence.  
  
** Jodie, Mack, Andrea, Jane, Daria, and Trent are all milling around the Morgendorffer living room. There are a number of empty pizza boxes laying around.
    
    **Daria:Well, it's been fun, but the sun is almost up, and I've got to clean up before my parents get home. I doubt they'd like it if they caught me having a pizza party on the same night my poor sister was killed in a mysterious mall explosion. Jane:Plus I've got to get Trent home before sunup. Are you _sure_ the pig's blood will work? Daria:It should. Otherwise there's always this... (she holds out a wooden stake) Jane:Very funny. I just want to get home, take a shower... Daria:Have fun shaving your legs. Jane:(glares) and go to bed. Come on Trent. Trent:Later, Daria. Daria:Later.**

Andrea, Jodie and Mack leave. Daria returns to the living room and tidies up. Just as she finishes, she hears a voice.
    
    **Amy:**Could you please kill the lights?** Daria:Amy? I thought that if I avenged your death, you'd be gone. Amy:Oh, Yeah. I was BSing you. You're stuck with me 'til I get sick of being your mentor. Daria:Crap.**

The Credits open. Monster Mash by _Bobby "Boris" Picket & The Crypt-Kickers_.  
  
Makeover, Monster movie themed.  
  
Jake as Jason.  
  
Mr. DeMartino as Freddy Kruger.  
  
Kevin and Brittany as Frankenstein's monster and the bride of Frankenstein's monster.  
  
Upchuck as Chucky  
  
Finí  
  


* * *

  
Author's Notes:I owe a lot to various horror, action and anime movies. The term 'Mamano' comes from the japanese anime Mamano (or Devil) Hunter Yohko which I heartily recomend. Since this is a halloween story in the tradition of Simpsons and other halloween fanfics, I get to kill off almost the entire cast! What fun. Hope you enjoyed this, and thanks for reading the author's notes.  
  


   [1]: mailto:crazynutso@hotmail.com?subject=Daria: The Hunter



	2. Castle of Count Ruttheimer

# The Castle of Count Ruttheimer

  


### A Daria Fan Fiction/Crossover.

  


#### By Crazy Nutso

  


* * *

  


Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction (or a desperate plea for help....you be the judge) Daria & her amazing friends are ™ and © MTV. Daria and all other characters belong to MTV, but were created by Glenn Eichler and Susie Lewis . Doesn't that just suck? Lupin (or Rupin, whatever) Goemon, Jigen, Fujiko, Inspector Zenigata, and all other 'Rupin' (or Lupin, whatever) characters are © Monkey Punch... All music, pop culture references, and the like are probably ® ™ and © also but I'm to damn lazy to look it up. Used without permission...Please don't sue me :>}

added note: This is a direct sequel to _Daria: The Hunter_, so if you haven't read that one, you WILL be completely lost. Also this is a crossover fic with the Lupin/Rupin series of animes, so you might want to watch _The Castle of Cagliostro, The Mystery of Mamo, The Fuma Conspiracy, and/or Legend of the Gold of Babylon_ all of which feature a notorious thief, his friends, and a police officer who wants to arrest him. They are ALL quite good, and I heartily recommend them.

* * *

  


We hear the typical 'Daria' theme, except it's done 'Anime-style', and is being sung in Japanese. Instead of the usual montage sequence, we see:

Daria, with a glowing sword in her hands racing (you can tell she's _racing_ because of the speed lines...) toward the camera. The picture shifts to show a crowd of monsters. Daria starts slashing. A monster tries to sneak up behind her, but he is attacked by Jane-wolf. Daria and Jane finish off the rest of the monsters, then solemnly shake hands. (like the opening of the old _Batman_ tv show) The camera zooms in on Daria, then it goes to the 'Daria' Logo.

_Mamano_ Hunter Daria in: The Castle of Count Ruttheimer.  
  


* * *

  
**

* * *

ACT I. The end of Lawndale 

* * *

**  
**Scene 1. Resurrecting Mystik Spiral**  
  


We see Daria, in the Morgendorffer living room, cleaning up. She is putting cardboard over the broken window when the phone rings. She answers it, spit screen between her and Jane. Jane is still in her 'Jane-wolf' form (human, but with fur and claws)

** Daria: Hey Jane.  
  
Jane: How'd you know it was me?  
  
Daria: Secret _Mamano_ powers.  
  
Jane: Really?  
  
Daria: No. No one _ever_ calls me except for you, and everyone who   
would call Quinn is dead.  
  
Jane: Well, I need you to get over here _right_ away. **(as she says   
this, Daria opens a mystical portal behind her, and steps   
through. as Jane continues, The screen shows just Jane,  
talking on the phone)** It's the guys from _Mystik Spiral_. They   
were hurt _real_ bad when the Fashion Vampires attacked.1   
I need you to look at them and see what we can do...Daria?   
Are you still there? **(A hand grabs Jane's shoulder, the   
camera pans back to show Daria standing behind her.)** GAH!   
Don't DO that! Come on! **(She grabs Daria's arm, and races   
into the basement.)  
  
They get into the basement, and we see that the wall is caved in on  
top of the other members of _Mystik Spiral_**  
  
Daria: They are beyond the help of medical science. But there  
_may_ be something I can do.  
  
**Moments later, in Daria's lair, we see the 3 other members of  
_Mystik Spiral_ laid out on tables. Daria is working on them.  
She is wearing a surgical outfit, complete with mask and gloves.  
Trent and Jane are watching through a window. Suddenly a  
glowing apparition appears. It is the ghost of Aunt Amy.**  
  
Amy: What are you doing? You're supposed to _kill_ monsters,  
not MAKE them!  
  
Daria: These are my friends. Besides it won't hurt to have them  
around, in case I need some muscle.**  
  
The camera pans to Jane and Trent**  
  
Trent: Who's she talking to?  
  
Jane: Her dead Aunt.  
  
Trent: Oh, (beat) Cool!   
  
**Back to Daria.**  
  
Daria: Well, all they need now is a little electricity.  
  
** Daria pulls a large lever, and suddenly two spheres rise out of the floor, a  
huge arc of electricity appears between the spheres, we see a 'Jacob's  
Ladder'2 in the background. Suddenly the members of  
Mystik Spiral start to jerk...Then they rise....**  
  
Max: What the...?  
  
Nick: What happened?  
  
Jesse: Cool.  
  
**The three of them look like classic, "Frankenstein's Monsters". They have  
bolts on their necks, and stich lines were Daria sewed them back together.**  
  
Daria: Not bad work, if I do say so myself. How do you guys feel?  
  
Max: Hungry.  
  
Nick: Famished!  
  
Jesse: Yeah!  
  
Daria: (sigh) The food is through there. **(she gestures, and they lumber off,  
in search of food.)** Why did I think they'd be different? **(Jane  
and Trent enter)**  
  
Jane: So what _is_ that thing for, anyhow? **(she gestures at the  
Jacob's Ladder)**  
  
Daria: It's just for decoration.  
  
Jane: So _now_ what do we do?  
  
Daria: (sigh) Now I've got to figure out how I'm gonna explain my  
new career to the folks. I _would_ fake my own death,  
but I don't really want to put them through that...  
  


* * *

_but little did Daria know, that, far away across the ocean, events were taking place that would take the decision out of her hands..._

* * *

  
**

We see an imposing castle set in a hillside. An large, imposing limousine approaches. The driver gets out, and opens the back door. Out steps Charles Ruttheimer III. As he approaches the twin guard towers, a drawbridge lowers across the moat. A small, hunchbacked man comes running across the bridge...

** Charles: Is everything ready?  
  
Hunchback: YES master!  
  
Charles: And has everything we need from Lawndale been delivered?  
  
Hunchback: YES master!  
  
Charles: Excellent. Everything is going according to my plan! **(he speaks  
into a radio)** Commander, you may fire the missile when ready!**

We see a LARGE missile slowly coming out of the ground near the castle, it speeds up as it goes by, till we see the glowing end of it. It soars off into the sky. Meanwhile back in Lawndale...  
  
We see Daria and Jane in the Morgendorffer living room. Suddenly Daria grabs her head with both hands.

** Jane: What's wrong?  
  
Daria: Gah! I'm getting a vision...OH....MY.......GOD!! We've   
_got_ to get out of here....NOW!  
  
**

Daria opens a mystical portal and shoves Jane through it, before stepping through it herself. The camera slowly pans back until it is showing the outside of the house, then it moves upwards, to show an arial view of Lawndale. Then we see the missile come streaking in, hitting Lawndale right at the Morgendorffer house. It explodes, forming a big mushroom cloud, and we see all of Lawndale wiped out.

Commercial Break...(yes, I KNOW act 1 was a little short, but when you NUKE Lawndale, you HAVE to go to a commercial break. It a RULE or something!)  
  
ADDITIONAL WARNING: This commercial break contains more 'in-jokes' then you can shake a stick at...  
  
_Coming soon..._**The Crazy Nutso SHOW!**  
  
Kinda like the Jerry Springer show, but just different enough to keep us from being sued...and it's about Daria fanfic stuff, so no one watches any....  
  
We See a darkened stage, with several chairs with people in it. There is a big crowd of people, and Crazy Nutso is there, with a big microphone. A spotlight comes on him.  
  
**Crazy: Hello, and welcome to my show!** (audience begins to chant "**crazy...crazy...crazy**")  
** Ok, Ok. Settle down! Now, everyone knows the drill...  
We take perfectly innocent, nice people, put them on stage,  
and then have the audience attack them until they start a fight  
or something. First on the hot seat.....Diane Long!  
  
**

Camera pans to the stage, and a spotlight hits one of the chairs. We see a youngish woman, rather tall, who bears a slight resemblance to Jane Lane. She looks up and smiles nervously. Camera pans back to Crazy, who is holding the mike up to a 14 year old girl.  
  


** Crazy: So, you are a shipper fan, right? **(the girl nods)** And what would  
_you_ like to say to the so-called queen of the shippers?  
  
Girl: **(near tears)** You're supposed to be a 'shipper! How _COULD_ you  
break them up?** (she bursts into tears)  
  
** Crazy: Diane, can you see the _heartbreak_ you've created?  
  
**

The camera pans back to Diane Long, and begins to zoom in on her. We see she looks uncomfortable...Suddenly she screams "**I'm SO sorry!**" and burst into tears and runs offstage. The audience begins to chant "**crazy...crazy...crazy**".

** Crazy: Ok, our next victo...er..._guest_ is Martin J Pollard, webmeyster of Outpost: Daria.  
"Your Online Database for All Things Daria" or so I've heard.  
  
** 5 people jump up at once. **You don't do weekly updates anymore!  
  
Martin: But, I've got a girlfriend now! **  
  


he holds up a large photo, the camera does not show the picture, but instead pans to Crazy and the audience, all of whom are standing with there jaws hanging open. Suddenly, another guy grabs the mic.****

Guy: You've got _that_ and you're still doing this internet   
crap? What're you, nuts or something?  
  
Crazy: Er, let's move on... You sir,  
  


A shortish blond man wearing an "Austin (_Anti-Shipper_) 3:16)" t-shirt.

** Man: Hey Martin, you're supposed to be an anti-shipper,   
so why'd you make that _shipper_ Diane  
Long a 'Featured Author'?  
  
**

The man is quickly hit by dozens of pink 'maters. Suddenly the mic is tore out of Crazy's hand. We see the person who did it. She is a woman in her late-30s, wearing an off white newsboy cap. She begins to rant...(we'll call her 'Debbs')

** Debbs: That Rotten _(BLEEP!)_ _(BLEEP!)_ _(BLEEP!)_  
hypocritical _(BLEEP!)_ tossed me off his _(BLEEP!)_  
website that _(BLEEP!)__(BLEEP!)__(BLEEP!)_  
  
**

Several burly security guards rush at the woman and quickly hustle her out of the building. The audience once again begins to chant "**crazy...crazy...crazy**". Just before they get her out of the building, she yells

** Debbs: Don't forget my plug! My fics are at this web address:  
http://www.fortunecity.com/lavender/wildbill/155/sbbed/sbbed.html  
  
**

The guards manage to hustle her out. We suddenly see Crazy, surrounded by Canadibrit, Diane Long, Kara Wild and Martin J Pollard.

** CB: It's payback time.  
  
Kara: Oh, yeah!  
  
Diane: Now you're gonna get it, Nutso.  
  
**

Crazy pulls something out of his pocket, points it at the ceiling, and presses a button on it. An arrow, attached to a rope, flies out and attaches to the ceiling. Crazy presses another button and is pulled up to safety.

** Martin: Where does he get those _wonderful_ toys?  
  
**

The audience once again begins to chant "**crazy...crazy...crazy**". Then the scene fades out.

**End of Commercial Break.**  
  
**

* * *

ACT II. Revenge is a dish best served cold... 

* * *

**  
**Scene 1. Who is responsible?**  
  


The scene opens in Daria's Lair. We see her working furiously at a computer. Everyone else is milling around behind her...

** Daria: Hmm... someone went to a great deal of trouble to cover their  
tracks. But it wasn't good enough. The missile was  
fired from Latvia.3 Computer, give me any  
recent news concerning Latvia.  
  
Computer: (In a voice that sounds like Pierce Bronson) Scanning...  
  
Trent: Whoa! Why does your computer sound like Remington Steele?4  
  
Daria: Aunt Amy always had a crush on him.  
  
Amy: (suddenly appears) DON'T tell them THAT!  
  
Daria: (smirking) Too late.  
  
**

Suddenly the monitor shows a news logo, the camera zooms in as the news report begins.

** Anchor woman: And in other news... The small country of Latvia will soon   
have a new ruler as Count Ruttheimer prepares to marry   
Queen Amadana. Amadana became queen when her parents   
were slaughtered by rebels, but, with the count's assistance, she   
was able to retain control of her land. However not everyone is   
thrilled at the prospect of this marriage...  
  
Peasant: That Count is just some rich American who bought a castle here!  
Plus he's just marrying the queen to get his hands on the  
Sunfire Sapphires.  
  
Anchor Woman: As you know, the Sunfire Sapphires are the crown jewels  
of Latvia, kept in a special fortress filled with traps to protect  
it. They jewels are said to have certain _magical_ properties  
as well...  
  
**

The monitor goes blank. The camera pans to Daria.

** Daria: Pack your gear. We're goin' to Latvia.  
  
**

_Mystik Spiral_ load themselves into the tank, while Daria and Jane get into _The Bandit_5. A mystic portal opens, and they drive through it. Shortly thereafter, we see a country road in a desolate area. A line of text runs across the bottom of the shot, saying _The Badlands, Latvia_. We see a mystic portal open, and _bandit_ comes speeding out, followed by the Tank. The camera pans back, and we see the scene in a crystal ball. Pan back some more, to show Upchuck gazing at the crystal ball.

** Upchuck: So, my _Feisty_ hunter has survived. I'll have to switch to plan 'B'.  
  
**

Upchuck gets out a box, and pulls out 6 vials. He puts one in his shirt pocket, and opens the others. He dumps the contents, which seems to be dust, into separate piles on the ground, inside circles that are drawn in chalk on the floor. Then he begins to chant:

_** acesta art temã a Garry's spectaco  
acesta art temã a Garry's spectaco  
acesta s muzicã noi asculta ca noi art deschizãturã cinste.  
noi aproape la art parte, unde eu porni fluiera  
speranþã tu petrecere aceastã temã a Garry's spectaco.6  
  
**_

As he finishes his chant, there is a blinding flash of light, and a gust of wind comes in from outside, carrying in a lot of dust. The dust begins to form into 5 distinct forms around the dust that was in the vials. Suddenly, the wind stops, and we see the Fashion Vampires, and Monique standing before Upchuck. They see Upchuck, and immediately try to attack him, but they cannot leave the circles each are in.

** Upchuck: Greetings, _Feisty_ ladies. As you can see, I've brought   
you back to life. However, you are my prisoners until you agree  
to do my biddings.  
  
All 5 Vampires: EWWW!  
  
Upchuck: 

> Fear not, luscious ladies, I have NO interest in you in that way. I simply need you to fly around the word, and kill some people at random. That should distract your little _friend_ the _mamano_ hunter, while I go about my plan. And in case you have thoughts of betrayal, I've also got THIS!

** (He pulls out the vial from inside his shirt)** With this I can bring your mother back, Sandi.** (Camera pans to show Sandi, who looks horrified by the idea.)** If I bring _her_ back, she'll have _total_ control over you, just like before... Sandi: Very well, _Charles_, we shall do this thing for you  
but after words, I want that vial of dust...  
  
Upchuck: Very well, my sweet. **(Upchuck makes a gesture, and  
the Fashion 'Pires are freed. They turn into bats and  
fly off.)  
  
** Monique: HEY! What about me?  
  
Upchuck: I have a _special_ mission for you, my dear...  
You are going to lure Trent away from Daria.  
  
Monique: No problem.** (Upchuck makes that gesture again  
and Monique is freed. She turns into a bat and flies away)  
  
** Upchuck: And when I have the _Sunfire Sapphires_  
I'll be able to _make_ you girls want me...  
  
Voice: I will _never_ tell you how to get them!  
  
**

The camera pans to show a nearby wall. There is a beautiful woman chained to the floor. There is a table, chair and bed within the range of her chain. She is disheveled and dirty, but still has an air of dignity about her. She is queen Amadana.

** Upchuck: My dear, it was _never_ my intention for you  
to reveal your secrets. Have you heard of Lupin?  
  
Amadana: The notorious international thief? Of course I have.  
  
Upchuck: This is just the type of situation he can't resist. _He'll_ get  
the _Sunfire Sapphires_ for me. Then he'll make some  
pathetic attempt to rescue you, and I'll retrieve the jewels.  
  
**

Upchuck begins his evil laughter, and the scene fades out.

**Scene 2. The Fashion 'Pires Strike Back!**  
  


We see the fashion 'pires, flying over the earth. They are VERY high up. We see a nail file fall from the claw of one of them. We watch as it travels down through the atmosphere, accelerating at a rate of 32.174 feet per second per second, or 9.806 meters per second per second. So, by the time it reaches the sleepy (read, BORING) little town of Buffalo, NY. It is going INCREDIBLY fast. So fast, in fact, that when it hits a house, it smashes a hole right through the roof. We see the view inside the house, a youngish looking girl sits at a computer. Suddenly, the nail file smashes through the roof, hitting her. She falls to the floor, mortally wounded. The electricity goes out, causing the room to darken, but the hole in the roof made by the nail file seems to form a spotlight, which shines on the girl's (we'll call her 'MJ') prone body.

** MJ:**(MJ brings her hand to her face, it is covered in blood)** "Here's the smell of the blood still: all the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand."7 Alas! I am undone. And I LOVED that story, too!8 "This is death To die and know it. This is the Black Widow, death."9 "Sleep is good, death is better; but of course, the best thing would be never to have been born at all."10 But "If we don't know life, how can we know death?"11 And is not "The stroke of death is as a lover's pinch, Which hurts and is desired."12 Eww! Perhaps "Life is rather a state of embryo, a preparation for life; a man is not completely born till he has passed through death."13 Maybe "The goal of all life is death."14 But then again, "Revenge triumphs over death; love slights it; honour aspireth to it; grief flieth to it."15 "'Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?"16 **

Suddenly, out of nowhere, the grim reaper (GR) appears.

** GR: 

> I'm right here, toots, and I've got yer STING right here. (holds up his scythe)

MJ:

> So, it's true... "Pale death, with impartial step, knocks at the hut of the poor and the towers of kings."17

GR: Are you done yet?  
  
MJ:

> Give me one more.... "It is finished."18

** (She closes her eyes, and dies)** GR: Ooh, good last words...  
  
**

The grim reaper yanks MJ's soul from her body, and flies her off to the afterlife. There is a fade out, and the fade in shows another quiet (read BORING) small town. Text prints along the screen reads 'Gassburg'. The fashion 'pires circle, then descend. They take human form.

** Sandi: 

> So all we need to do is find a human to kill as violently as possible. 

**(She glances into a window of a nearby house)** She'll do fine. **(camera pans to show another young girl sitting at a computer)** Tiffany: But....Sandi, how will we get to her?  
  
Sandi: Her parents probably don't let her lock the door. We'll just walk in.**  
  


And, sure enough, the doors are NOT locked, and the fashion 'pires walk right into the room, surprising the girl, who barely has time to scream before she is killed in SUCH a gruesome and horrifying manner, that I cannot describe it here. Then they break the window, turn into bats, and leave. Several minutes later, The girls parents, alerted by her scream, but they had to finish what they were doing, rush in, followed by her brother.

** Mom: Oh, my God! They killed Mona!  
  
Dad: Those _BASTARDS_!!  
  
Brother: Cool, can I have her room?  
  
Dad: Why you little...** (He begins to throttle to boy as the scene fades out.)  
  


Now we see a tv studio somewhere... It's a cooking show. In the background is a big banner that reads 'Cooking with Cinumundy'. A young lady is behind a counter, wearing an apron. We'll call her Cindy.

** Cindy: Today I'll be showing you my _famous_ spaghetti  
recipe. Here's what it'll look like when it's done...  
**(She pulls out a big bowl of spaghetti, which is   
covered with a very red sauce. She dips a finger in  
the sauce to taste it.)** GAH! This isn't my sauce!  
It tastes like...  
  
Sandi: BLOOD?  
  
Cindy: EEP! It's the fashion 'Pires!** (the canned applause is turned  
on briefly)** So, you've come to kill me have you?  
  
Sandi: Yes.  
  
Cindy:

> Very well, but first, I will zing you with some quotes on fashion! "In words, as fashions, the same rule will hold; Alike fantastic, if too new, or old: Be not the first by whom the new are tried, Nor yet the last to lay the old aside." 19 "Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new."20 And Furthermore, "A fashion is merely a form of ugliness so unbearable that we are compelled to alter it every six months."21 AND "The fashion of this world passeth away."22 although I don't think that's what they were talking about... "To call a fashion wearable is the kiss of death. No new fashion worth its salt is ever wearable."23

Tiffany: Is she _done_ yet?  
  
Sandi: Oh, yeah...She's done.  
  
**

The Fashion 'Pires move in on Cindy. One of them knocks the camera over, and the scene goes black. We hear Cindy scream followed by...

** Tiffany: Will this spaghetti make me fat?  
  
Quinn: Shut UP, Tiffany!  
  
**

The scene fades, then we see a basement room. Two girls are sitting around a wood table. They are MANPREET THE UNKNOWN or 'preet and Emily Anne, the last two 'winners' of the MMST contest...

** Preet: What are we doing here?  
  
Emily: I guess he's going to kill us both off at once...  
  
Preet: Well that SUCKS!   
  
Emily: Yeah... Say are you thinking what I'm thinking?  
  
Preet: YEAH! Let's not go down without a fight!**  
  


Preet and Emily flip the table over and break off 2 of the table legs. They then take the legs and sharpen them into wooden stakes.

** Preet: Heh, we'll take care of those f&^kin' fashion 'pires!  
  
Emily: Yeah!  
  
**

We hear a flapping of wings, and the lights go out. We hear both Preet and Emily scream, then the lights come back on. We see the Fashion 'Pires standing over the bodies of Preet and Emily. Preet and Emily both have wooden stakes sticking out of their chests...

** Tiffany: Umm.. I think we're too late...  
  
Quinn: Way to state the obvious Tiffany.  
  
**

The Scene fades out. We finally return to The Badlands in Latvia. We see Trent, sitting by a river, tuning his guitar. We also see a bat fly up next to him and turn into... Monique! The camera stays on Trent as they talk.

** Monique: Hey Trent, What's up?  
  
Trent: **(barely glances up)**Hey Monique.  
  
Monique: **(Seductive voice)** come on Trent. Wouldn't you  
rather spend time with _me_ then with some High-  
schoolers?  
  
Trent: Not especially. We broke up, remember?24  
  
Monique: Oh Trent, I could never... ARGH!  
  
Trent: You could never argh?  
  
**

The camera pans back to show a shocked looking Monique. She has a wooden crossbow arrow embedded in her chest. Then she changes into dust. A woman emerges from the shadows. She is clad in a mulberry ninja outfit. Her dark black hair is tied back and she looks, dare I say it, quite fetching.25 She is _Vampire Hunter Diane Long_. She quickly goes up to the dust that was Monique and puts some of the dust into a vial. As she is doing it, she keeps a crossbow pointed at Trent, who remains seated on a fallen tree.

** Diane: **(puts the vial into her belt)** Well that's another one for my  
collection. **(Turns to face Trent)** Well, you're a  
_handsome_ vampire, but I'm afraid a job is a job...  
  
**

We see Diane trigger the crossbow, and watch the arrow fly at Trent. Right before it connects, a hand snatches it out of the air. We see Daria, standing next to Trent, holding the arrow.

** Daria: This vampire is under _my_ protection.**

Diane shifts the crossbow to point at Daria. Suddenly a large grey and black wolf streaks out and leaps at Diane. She is knocked on her back and drops her crossbow. The wolf gets on top of her, growling right in her face.

** Diane: EEP! Um, would you mind calling off your dog?  
  
**

The wolf morphs into Jane-wolf. She still has Diane pinned, and is still growling.

** Jane: _Dog?_ DOG? Who are you calling a DOG?26  
  
Diane: So you work with _werewolves_ too?  
  
Daria: Got a problem with it?  
  
Diane: Well, it _is_ a union violation...  
  
Daria: Nope, I filed the correct papers to register them...  
  
**

Suddenly, Diane flips Jane off of her, and leaps to her feet. Daria, Jane and Trent quickly surround her.

** Daria: So you want to fight, or what?  
  
Diane: Nah, I've got to be getting back to Robbie anyhow...  
  
Daria: Nice meeting you.  
  
Jane: Later.  
  
Trent: Yeah, later.**

Diane opens a _pink_ mystic portal and steps through.

** Jane: What a strange woman.  
  
Daria: It could have been worse, it _could_ have been Buffy.  
  
Trent: Say, shouldn't we get back to the main plot now?  
  
Daria: Right after the commercial break.  
  
Commercial Break.  
  
**

The man responsible for scheduling at MTV appears and makes a heartfelt apology for the fact that 87% of the time that Daria is supposed to be on, it's not. He is then pelted with 'maters. I can dream, can't I?

**Back to the show!  
  
** **

* * *

ACT III. The cross-over part. 

* * *

**  
**Scene 1. Attack in the badlands.**  
  


The scene opens somewhere in the badlands of Latvia. We see a slightly beat up, old yellow VW Bug. Near it are 3 men. One is a man with a full beard, wearing a black suit and a black hat. He is sitting by the fire, roasting a wiener and smoking. His name is Jigen. Near him is a shorter man, clean shaven and wry. He is Lupin. Standing off to the side is an imposing oriental man. He has long hair, and wears a samurai skirt. His name is Goeman. He suddenly looks alert and starts to draw his sword.

** Lupin: What is it, Goeman?  
  
Goeman: There is something in those bushes.  
  
**

The bushes begin to russel, and a familiar looking wolf steps out. She approaches them slowly, limping slightly.

** Lupin: Oh, it's just a poor, half-starved wolf. Give it  
one of your hot dogs, Jigen.  
  
Jigen: Sure thing. **(He tosses a wiener to the wolf, who  
catches it and eats it quickly. The wolf then lies  
down by the fire.)**  
  
Goeman: There is something _strange_ about that wolf...  
  
Jigen: Forget that. What are we gonna do with them jewels?  
  
Lupin: The Sunfire Sapphires? Can't sell 'em, maybe we can use  
them as a bargaining tool to get Queen Amadana away from  
Count Ruttheimer.  
  
Jigen: And why does HE want them?  
  
Lupin: He thinks they have _magical powers_. Here, take a look.**

Lupin tosses a necklace to Jigen. We see that the Sunfire Sapphires have an odd glow to them. While they are still in the air, the wolf suddenly jumps up, catches them in her jaw, and runs off.

** Lupin: Hey! Bring those back!**

What follows is a rather comical chase scene as Lupin, Jigen and Goeman chase the wolf through bushes and low branches. She is careful NOT to lose them. She emerges into a clearing, and changes into her Jane-wolf form. As the Lupin gang emerge into the clearing, they see Daria, with sword drawn, flanked by Jane-wolf and _Mystik Spiral_.

** Daria: We need to talk. But first, some privacy...**

Daria looks up, and the camera pans back briefly, to show Upchuck watching them through his crystal ball. Pan back to Daria, who begins to make gestures and chant...

** Daria: _trev replerr iu qs uoy emtagnir atspots._**

The camera pans back to show Upchuck, still looking into the crystal ball. Suddenly he loses picture, and the crystal explodes.

** Upchuck: Damn her! IGOR!**

The hunchback comes running in.

** Igor: YES, Master?  
  
Upchuck: Dispatch the wolfpack AND the ninjas into the badlands.  
Tell them to bring me back their bodies, AND the Sunfire Sapphires.  
  
Igor: Yes, Master!**

Camera goes back to Daria and company.

** Daria: So that's my plan. Does everyone know what to do?  
  
Lupin: Sounds like a plan. But what's the hurry?  
  
Daria: Upchuck's minion are about to catch up with us...**

As if on cue a bunch of throwing stars fly by and we see the zombie Ninjas.

** Daria: Go after the heads...**

Daria runs at the ninjas. She slices with her sword, quickly beheading 5 of them without slowing down. Soon she is out of sight. Camera pans to Goeman.

** Goeman: She is...(beat) _magnificent_.  
  
Jigen: Don't forget, you're engaged fellah.27**

The camera picks up Daria. She is running from dozens of wolves. They pursue her to the edge of a cliff. They surround her, and begin to move on her, growling menacingly. She does a neat back flip, right over the edge. She falls out of sight. The wolves run down a path to get to the bottom. When they arrive, there is no sign of her. Suddenly, from behind the wolves...(the camera stays on the wolves)

** Daria: DOGS!  
  
** The wolves look around in confusion.**  
  
Daria: Dogs, I said.**

The camera pans to show Daria. She is dressed all in leather, and is holding two short silver swords.

** Daria: Let's _ROMP_.**

What follows is a very violent battle, which is just TOO violent for me to describe. Seriously, it'd give you nightmares! Soon we see Daria, still looking ready for a fight, standing over a mountain of wolf corpses. (apparently, these were REAL wolves, NOT werewolves) Goeman comes running up.

** Goeman: Your friend Jane thought you might need some help.  
**(He looks around)** Apparently, she was wrong.  
  
Daria: It's the thought that counts. Let's go.  
  
** Fade Out.  
  
**Scene 2. Have fun storming the castle!**

We see Daria and company getting out of their vehicles. We see Count Ruttheimer's castle in the distance.

** Jane: So why not portal straight into the castle?  
  
Daria: It's protected. We'll have to do this the hard way.  
  
Jane: And what's up with the leather?  
  
Daria: It's _body armor_ Jane. It kept me from  
getting scratched up by those wolves.  
  
Jane: And your still wearing it because?  
  
Daria: Because...It looks _good_ ok?  
  
Jane: Yeah, I just wanted to get you to admit it.  
  
Lupin: That drawbridge looks pretty tough. How do  
We get in?  
  
Daria: Allow me. _SHI-ROH-KEN!_**

She makes a throwing gesture, and a fireball flies from her hands. It hits the top of the drawbridge, destroying it. The remains of the bridge falls forward into the moat, which bubbles ominously and the remains disintegrate. Daria and Jane leap nimbly across the gap, as does Goeman. Jesse, Max and Nick leap across 'Incredible Hulk' style. Trent turns into a bat and flies across. Camera pans to Jigen and Lupin.

** Lupin: Bunch of show-offs.**

He pulls out a grappling line, tosses it at the top of the castle gate, and swings across. He tosses the line back to Jigen, who also swings across.

** Jane: What now? Split up and search?  
  
Daria: No need. RIGHT Charles?**

Suddenly there is a flash of light. We see Upchuck standing a short distance away. Near him are two women suspended over a pit of acid. They are queen Amadana and Fujiko.

** Upchuck: Give me the Sunfire Sapphires, and I'll let you live, otherwise you all die.  
  
Daria: Very well then...CATCH.**

Daria tosses the necklace at Upchuck. While he is distracted, she and Lupin leap at the acid pit. Daria grabs the queen and Lupin grabs Fujiko, and hustle them to safety. As they are untying them, Upchuck puts on the necklace. It begins to glow...

** Upchuck: **(insert evil laughter here)** Ultimate power  
is MINE! Destroy them, my minion, but leave the _hunter_  
to ME!**

Upchuck begins to chant...

** Upchuck: _Krod giba ekilse cnad e tad ruoy!_**

Upchuck is suddenly clad in black mystical armor, and banishing a huge black sword. Daria draws her own magic sword and begins to approach him. Before she reaches him however, she chants...

** Daria: _ kce'ny mnognidn at se ruoy_.**

There is a swirling wind around Daria, and she is now clad in green and black armour. We see a bunch of ninja zombies and the fashion 'pires attack Daria's friends as she squares off against Upchuck. We see a big, whoop-ass fight, the following montague is only the highlights. Caught in the Mosh by _Anthrax_ plays in the background.

* A bunch of zombie ninjas pile on Jesse. Seconds later, he tosses them off in all directions.  
  

* Daria and Upchuck exchanging blows with their swords. It is clear that Daria is quicker and more skilled, but Upchuck seems to be more powerful.  
  

* Jane-wolf leaps on a zombie, knocks his head off, then leaps to the next.  
  

* Jigen puts a clip of wooden bullets into his gun, takes careful aim, and shoots both Tiffany and Quinn.  
  

* Daria narrowly avoids Upchuck's sword, which cuts through a stone pillar, causing it to collapse.  
  

* Lupin and Fujiko running around shooting zombies in the head.  
  

* Trent in the corner, asleep. (don't ya just LOVE running gags?)  
  

* Goeman calmly slashing through the zombies.  
  

* Daria leaps at Upchuck with her sword extended. He blocks her blow, but as she falls back, she pulls a knife out of her boot and throws it at him. It goes right through his armor, into his chest. There is a flash of light, and Upchuck lays there with the knife in his chest.  
  
** Upchuck: It's...not possible! The Sunfire Sapphires should have  
made me invincible!  
  
Daria: They might have... IF you had had them _all_  
**(we see 3 glowing gems around Daria's neck)**  
Without all of them, your armor had flaws. And now...  
  
** Daria takes her sword and chops off Upchuck's head, while shouting:  
  
** Daria: Your evil ends NOW!**

As soon as Upchuck's head is separated from his body, the castle begins to collapse. Everyone rushes out. Everyone makes it out...including Sandi, Stacy and Igor.

** Igor: Well, thank goodness! I usually end up getting killed...**

Suddenly Stacy grabs Igor's head, rips it off, and guzzles blood from his neck. When she's done eating, she notices that everyone is staring at her.

** Stacy: WHAT!? I'm sick of always being the  
'goodie-goodie', OK!** (She turns into  
a bat and flies off)**  
  
Sandi: Sta-cy! Wait for me! ** (also turns into a bat  
and flies off)**  
  
Daria: Well, _that_ was interesting. It was nice  
meeting you Lupin, but you'd better be going.**

Coming down the road, we see a huge fleet of police cars. In the lead is a jeep, with an old man in a trench coat in it. He is Inspector Zenigata. Lupin and his gang jump into his car and speed off. As they go, Goeman and Daria share a look. Then the police speed by.

** Zenigata: Come on! FASTER! LU-PAN!! You're not going  
to get away from me this time!  
  
Jane: Like you said, interesting...  
  
Jesse: Yeah!**

The scene fades out and the end credits run. Creature from the Black Leather Lagoon

by _The Cramps_ plays.  
  
Makeovers: (Comic-book themed).  
  
Jesse as the Incredible Hulk.  
  
Daria and Jane as Batman and Robin.  
  
Max as The Maxx.  
  
Jane as Crazy Jane.  
  
Finí  
  


* * *

  
Footnotes:  
  


  1. It happened in _Daria: The Hunter_. So did a whole lot of other things, if you haven't read it you are gonna be soo lost.  
  

  2. A 'Jacob's Ladder' is one of those contraptions you see in the mad scientist's lab. It's basically just a big metal thing that has an arc of electricity going up and down it.  
  

  3. Latvia is an actual country in Europe somewhere, but it's also the theoretical home of Dr. Doom.  
  

  4. Pierce Bronson played 'Remington Steele' on tv before he become James Bond.  
  

  5. It's her car she got in the last story. Told you you'd be lost!  
  

  6. It's the theme song to the old 'Gary Shandling' show, translated into Romanian. You can tell I have too much free time on my hands...  
  

  7. William Shakespeare, Macbeth.  
  

  8. Refers to Diane Long's classic fanfic Undone.  
  

  9. Robert Lowell, Mr Edwards and the Spider.  
  

  10. Heinrich Heine, Morphine.  
  

  11. Confucius.  
  

  12. William Shakespeare.  
  

  13. Benjamin Franklin.  
  

  14. Sigmund Freud.  
  

  15. Francis Bacon, Essays, 2, `Of Death'  
  

  16. Bible, 1 Corinthians 15:55.  
  

  17. Horace.  
  

  18. The last words of Jesus. Bible, St John 19:30.  
  

  19. -Alexander Pope.  
  

  20. Henry David Thoreau, Walden (1854).  
  

  21. Oscar Wilde, quoted in Richard Ellmann's Oscar Wilde.  
  

  22. Bible, 1 Corinthians 7:31.  
  

  23. Eugenia Sheppard, in New York Herald Tribune.  
  
**all quotes courtesy of: Quotez, © 1998-9 Mark Fryer http://www.quotations.co.uk **  
  

  24. Trent and Monique may have broken up in _Lane Miserable_.  
  

  25. She was also described thusly in _Shipper Wars_.  
  

  26. This may be a sly reference to _Through The Rainbow_ or just an odd coincidence.  
  

  27. Goeman was engaged in _The Fuma Conspiracy_.  
  


Author's Notes: Are you kiddin'? If (God Forbid) you want another one of these, E-mail me and I'll think about it...


	3. No More Ms Nice Vampire

# No More Ms Nice Vampire

### By [Crazy Nutso][1]

  


* * *

  
  


* * *

_"I used to be such a sweet, sweet thing 'til they....got a hold of me"_  
Alice Cooper - No More Mr Nice Guy

* * *

### Chapter One

Jane Lane watched through the window as a stage crew began the preparations for tonight's show. Much had changed in the year and a half since that fateful halloween when she had been turned into a werewolf. At first, she hadn't even been able to control herself, much less her transformations into wolf and were-wolf form. But now, she was totally in control. She could even change the length and color of her hair in human form. Which came in handy, since she was forced to change identities. When Lawndale had been destroyed by a nuclear missle, she had been assumed dead. And circumstances had led her to allow herself to be declared legally dead.

So now she was Jane Amberson manager of the latest goth-rock sensation Ungrateful Undead. This was, of course, just her brother's old band Mystik Spiral with a new name, and slightly altered sound. Trent's appearance was quite different from the old days, and his stage clothes would keep anyone from guessing his true identity. Jane never would have believed that a band made up of a vampire and three 'golems' would have become so popular. Must be the gimmick. Jane glanced over at Daria.

Daria had also changed a lot since then. Her formerly shoulder-length hair was now only a few inches long, and dyed green. Daria had decided early on that long hair and close hand-to-hand fighting did not mix. Plus it helped distance herself from her old identity. These days she was Diane Banyon, another of the people who worked behind the scenes for Ungrateful Undead. She was nervous before every show. Not because she had to perform, but because her original purpose in touring had been to lure her enemies out into the open. But so far nothing had happened...

"Would you please stop that pacing?" Jane asked Daria, hoping to lighten the foul mood her partner-in crime seemed to be in. "I'm getting wore out just watching you."

"Dammit Jane! Why haven't they tried anything?" Daria said angrily. Jane was happy that she was finally venting a little, and gestured for her to continue. "It's been over a year since we took Upchuck down. We've seen nothing of the Fashion 'Pires. Sandi and Stacy are still out there somewhere! I can't understand why they haven't struck by now."

"Maybe one of the other hunters got them?" Jane asked in a hopeful voice.

"No way. I keep in touch with all of them, and I would have heard something. I just don't understand. I mean, subtlety has never been their forté in the past..."

"Well, maybe Sandi has cooked something up, but when she DOES strike, you'll be ready, right?" Jane said smoothly. "In the meantime, we've got a show to put on." Just as she finished this statement, the door is shoved open and a blond lady, followed by a youngish man with a camera barge in.

"Pardon me, I'm Amy Starr, reporter for Sick Sad World. We've received reports that members of this band and its entourage are actually aliens who were responsible for the recent bombing of Lawndale. Care to comment?" She gestured to her camera man, who shoves the camera into Jane's face. Jane and Daria glanced at each other. This was trouble. The only person capable of coming up with such a dumb story was Artie, Lawndale's alien-conspiracy theorist and all around nut. He was also someone who had seen Trent, Daria and Jane up close, and might be able to penetrate their disguises.

"I see no reason to comment on something as ridiculous as that Ms. Starr. And if you do feel inclined to run such a story, you'll be hearing from our legal department."

"And what about you, Ms. Banyon? Is it true that you're the lead singer's love slave?"

Daria lashed out with her left hand, hitting the camera and sending it flying across the room. She got right in the nosy reporters face. "Ms. Starr, don't make me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry." The reporter beats a hasty retreat. Her camera man stops only long enough to grab the tape from the camera before taking off himself. Daria sighed loudly. "Crap. The famous Morgendorffer temper shows itself again."

"Never mind Daria. It'll just come across as a publicity stunt anyhow. Even if anyone pays any attention to Sick Sad World. Which I doubt."

"I know, I just hate it when I lose control like that. Anyhow, it looks like the show is about ready to start. Let's get backstage. I want to be able to watch the crowd."

Soon the show had started. Daria sat backstage and watched the growing 'mosh pit' in front of the stage. Jane was doing an interview for some magazine backstage. Suddenly, Daria sat upright. She had spotted a vampire in the mosh pit. She quickly scanned the rest of the stadium. Nothing. Must just be one. Well, one vampire was not much of a threat. Daria returned her attention to the mosh pit, and realized three things: 1. The Vampire was Stacy. 2. She was right up against the stage, staring at Trent. 3. Trent was staring back, looking mesmerized. Something Aunt Amy had told her came back to her in a flash.

"The only thing you have to worry about with Trent is who bit him. Remember that whatever vampire bit him will have certain mental control over him.

Without another thought, Daria raced from her place behind stage. She dived offstage and tackled Stacy. They rolled for a few minutes, and Stacy put her face right into Daria's. "Another time, hunter." Then she kissed Daria on the lips. Daria felt Stacy's tongue briefly enter her mouth. Her shock at this momentarily put her off guard. Stacy began to scream for help, and Daria was quickly grabbed. She felt a needle enter her arm, and realized she'd been set up. She lashed out with a leg, kicking someone in the face, but she felt herself weakening. Whatever had been in that syringe was already working on her. She glanced over and saw the guy she'd kicked. She recognized him. It was the blond, skateboard guy from Lawndale High. She couldn't think of his name. His nose was bleeding, and she saw Stacy approach him, and begin to lick the blood from his nose. She was beginning to realize that becoming a vampire had driven Stacy over the edge.

Daria felt herself being handcuffed and led out of the concert hall. She was being frisked by a female police officer, who found a strange gizmo in her jacket. Daria was surprised to see it too, as it wasn't hers. Stacy must have planted it on her. Suddenly, she noticed Stacy standing far behind the cop in the entrance to the hall. She was holding a similar looking gizmo. When she saw that Daria was looking at her, she smiled, then pressed a button on the gizmo. She saw the gizmo in the cops hand light up and then beep. Then there was a huge explosion, and the concert hall disappeared in flames. Stacy blew her a kiss, then turned into a bat and flew away. The world began to swirl around, and Daria passed out.

* * *

_"None of you understand. **I'm** not locked up in here with **you**, **You're** locked up in here with **me**."_  
Rorschach - Watchmen by Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons

* * *

### Chapter Two

Daria come to slowly. She found herself in a typical jail cell, lying on a cot. Her Aunt Amy's ghost hovered nearby. "About time you came to. How do you feel?"

"Dizzy, nauseous and weak. I thought a mamano hunter was immune to poisons?"

"Your immune system is souped up. You should be able to lick any poison or drug almost instantly. Whatever they gave you must have been pretty powerful. Your system should lick it in 24 hours or so. Or else...

"Or else what?"

"Or else you'll die." Their conversation is suddenly interrupted by a guard opening the door.

"OK, nutso. Let's go. Time for your session with the head doc." Daria is led down a dark hallway. She sees that the door says "Dr. Shchratchnsniff, Psychologist". She was led into a chair. Dr. Shchratchnsniff was a severe looking woman in her thirties. Two burly guards sat nearby, in case Daria tried anything. "So, " the psychologist glanced at a paper in front of her, "Diane. How are you today?"

"In prison. Yourself?"

This threw the woman off, as Daria had intended. "Umm... I'm doing just fine. But let's discuss why you are here. Why did you attack that girl, and why did you blow up the the concert hall.

"I attacked the girl because she's a vampire, and I'm a vampire hunter. I wanted to stop her from doing something incredibly evil like blowing up the concert hall, which she did anyhow."

The psychologist looks momentarily alarmed, then recovers. "OK, uh... perhaps you should come back later after you've had time to...rest." Daria is then led back out. She eventually ends up in the prison cafeteria. Suddenly, a familiar looking person got into line behind her. It was Brooke.

"So Daria, I guess without your mamano hunter abilities, you're not so tough." Brooke whispers, as she pulls a screwdriver out of her pocket. "Once you're dead, Stacy has promised to make me immortal."

"I don't need special powers to deal with you." Daria whispered back. Whirling around, she struck a sharp blow to Brooke's nose. Brooke drops to the floor. "AH! My nose! WHy does it always have to be my nose!" Brooke and Daria were hustled out. Brooke was taken to the prison infirmary, while Daria was put into solitary. She was sitting on a cot, when a fat guard approached. She recognizes him as the fat, blond guy who was always had headphones on... Damn, what was his name again. He pulls out his gun and aims it at Daria.

"Once you're dead..." he began.

"I know, I know, Stacy will make you immortal. I've heard it. But you're too late..." Daria reached into a small magic portal she had opened earlier, and pulled out a small, round item. She tossed it at the bars, and it began to emit gas. The guard quickly took his gun and put it up to his head. "I have failed my mistress!" He declared, then pulls the trigger. Daria grabbed the bars and easily broke them open. She put a belt with more of the gas grenades on it around her waist. She walks calmly through the jail, tossing grenades as needed. Soon she reaches the prison infirmary, and enters. To her dismay, everyone here had been brutally slaughtered. She quickly finds Brooke. Dead. There is a note pinned to the side of the bed. It has been ' sealed with a kiss' by Stacy. Daria doubted that she was wearing red lipstick, either. Daria opened the envelope and pulled out the note inside.

  
  
  


_© Stacy's Pad ©_

* * *

  
  


Daria,

Sorry I couldn't see you today, but I've been so busy with Jane and Trent. We're all having lots of fun together. I have an offer for you, so I do hope you will meet me at The Bullseye Hotel, Room 666 in San Francisco CA in two days. Otherwise, I'm afraid something just  awful might happen to your friends...and your family.

Love and Kisses,

Stacy Rowe  
  


* * *

_© Stacy's Pad ©_

  
  
  


"Signed in blood." Daria said to herself. "Great. She's got my friends, she knows where my parents are, and she probably has a legion of helpers. What have I got?"

"You've got me!" Her Aunt Amy was quick to chime in.

"Swell." Daria let out a deep sign. "I guess it's gonna be a busy couple of days..." And with that, Daria opens a portal and disappeared.

* * *

_"Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely."_  
Lord Acton - Historical Essays and Studies, Appendix

* * *

### Chapter Three

Jane Lane awoke to an agonizing burning sensation in her back. She realized that she was hanging by her arms above a pit of acid. Another searing pain caused her to turn around. There she saw Stacy Rowe, tossing hot coals at her.

"Good, you're awake. It's so boring to torture people who are asleep."

Jane was astonished by Stacy's behavior. "It's always the quiet ones." she told herself. Aloud she said "Mind telling me why your bothering to keep me alive? Not that I mind, you understand."

"Ah, Jane. I've always admired you and Daria. You've always managed to do whatever you want. Well now I'm doing what I want. For the time being, you'll be insurance against our hunter friend. But I think, in the future, you'll be working for me."

"I'll never work for you."

"You think not? But people do change, don't they? Let me give you an example." Stacy gestured toward what appears to be a large dog house, set in the opposite wall.

"Sandi! Here Sandi! Come here, girl!" As Jane watched, Sandi Griffin emerged from the dog house. She crawled on all fours, and kept her face facing the floor. She slowly approached Stacy, stoping at her feet.

"Good girl, Sandi! Now clean my boots." Sandi made a whimpering sound.

"I said, clean my boots! NOW!" Sandi began to lick the dirt from Stacy's boots. Soon she had finished.

"Very good Sandi. Now your humiliation is complete...and I have no more use for you." Stacy grabbed a handful of Sandi's hair, and pulled her to eye level. She then pulled a wooden stake out and rammed it into Sandi's chest. Sandi screamed in pain, then turned to dust. Stacy carefully collected some of the dust into a vial, then sealed the vial.

"I'll put you in my bedroom, right next to your mothers. Oh, but where are my manners! I'm entertaining! I'll just have my maid do it. QUINN!"

Quinn Morgendorffer came running up. She was wearing a french maid outfit. Her hair had been dyed to match Stacy's hair color, and was held in twin pigtails, as Stacy used to wear. Stacy hands her the vial.

"I've finished with Sandi, for now. Place her over the mantel in my bedroom, next to her mother. Mind you, don't awaken Trent. He had a busy night last night." Stacy smirked at Jane's reaction to her last statement.

"Yes Ma'am!" Quinn quickly answered. She gave a curtsey, and dashed off.

"So, Jane what do you think of my humble little abode?"

"Can't say that I've seen much of it. Where are we?"

"In some caves. That's all you need to know. Your brother's former band mates are currently hard at work digging out more space. Soon every vampire on earth will have a safe haven. As long as they stay on my good side." Stacy glanced at her watch. "I'm afraid I'll have to cut short our little visit. I've got a meeting with our mutual friend, Daria."

"Do you really think she'll do anything you ask?"

"If she values your life, she will. If not, then there's always her parents..." Stacy flips open a cellular phone, and dials. "Tiffany?"

"Yes?"

"Have you found the Morgendorffers?"

"Yes. They're in a hotel. We have the building completely surrounded. Do you want us to move in?"

"No. Stay put until you hear from me. Bye." Stacy smiled triumphantly. "All the cards are in place. Oh, and you need not bother trying to break that rope. It was woven from wolvesbane. Oh, and your guards will be armed with AK-47s that fire silver bullets. Tah!" Stacy turned into a bat, and flew away. Jane just hung there, wondering how she was going to get out of this one...

* * *

_"Again, the devil taketh him up into an exceeding high mountain, and showeth him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them; And saith unto him, All these things will I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me."_  
Matthew - The Bible: Matthew Chapter 4 verses 8 & 9

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### Chapter Four

Daria appeared in an alley behind the Bullseye Hotel. She is wearing a redheaded wig, and a leather trenchcoat. She enters the hotel. It is a sleazy dive, and the waiting room is empty. Daria climbs the stairs to the 6th floor. She finds room 666 and knocks. "It's open." Stacy's voice drifts through the door. Daria takes a deep breath, and enters.

"Daria, how delightful that you could make it." Stacy put a cellular phone she was holding away. "I was so afraid I'd have to order my people to massacre your parents. However, your attire makes me suspicious. You don't mind if my familiar here searches you? Just to make sure you aren't here to harm me?"

"Suit yourself." Daria responded. Daria noted that Stacy's familiar was Bret Strand, the guy who had stood Stacy up before that god-awful fair. "Did you castrate him?" Daria asked, and was pleased to see him wince.

"Of course not, Daria! That would take all the fun out of him." Bret continued to search Daria's person, lingering on one spot a little too long. Daria lashed out, catching him in his adam's apple. He was dead before he smashed into the far wall. Daria braced herself for an attack from Stacy, but Stacy just wondered over to the body. "Bret always did have loose hands. Oh well, no point wasting food." With that, she ripped Bret's head off and began to guzzle his blood. When she was finished, her dress was drenched in blood.

"That's what's wrong with these designer dresses, they get ruined so easily." With that, she ripped the dress off, revealing a sports bra and 'Hello Kitty' shorts. She then slid into a pair of shorts. "Now then, Daria you're probably wondering why I asked you here..."

"To reveal you're evil plan for world domination, right before you have me killed in some elaborate trap?"

"That's what I've always liked about you, Daria. Your sense of humor. But let's face it. The world is a pretty messed up place. Even overlooking all the atrocities committed by some of my overzealous vampire brethren, let's face it. The human race is working hard to wipe themselves out. War, pollution, oppression, crime and all of it. It's out of control.

"But you and your vampire pals will come save us poor stupid humans from ourselves, right?"

"Really Daria what do we care if you wipe each other out? All I want to do is establish a home for vampires. A series of caves where vampires can live away from humans. We'll bring a few human volunteers down, who can donate blood for us, and in exchange, they'll live like kings. This is were you come in, Daria. You can be my mortal agent. You can take care of any unruly vampire who causes trouble, and keep your more overzealous hunter friends from coming after me."

"And what do I get for being your stooge?"

"Well, you'll live a life of luxury. Anything you want really. Then there's the matter of Trent. As you are no doubt aware, as the person who bit him, I have a hold on him. This hold can be transferred... to you. I tried him out, and I must say that he really is quite excellent. You're sure to enjoy him, I have no doubt. Then there's the matter of Jane...and your parents. Something very bad might happen to them if you don't go along with this."

"Let me see if I've got this right. Basically you want me to kill off any vampires that might be a threat to you, and kill off any of the other hunters that threaten you. Basically I'd be your bodyguard and/or killer for hire. And for these services, you promise not to harm any of my friends & family, and give me a mindless sex-slave. Have I left anything out?"

"You can have Quinn as your maid. I've grown bored with her. But if you're not interested in Trent, I'll keep him."

"As tempting as that offer is, I'd have to say no. Plus I don't buy the whole 'we'll just take blood donations from people' thing. You seem to be more bloodthirsty then most vampires i've encountered, so I imagine you're planning on breeding humans and rasing them as we raise cows. Correct?

"Most likely. But are you forgetting that I can kill your parents with a single word into this phone?" As Stacy finished her threat, there is a beeping sound from inside Daria's coat. Daria reaches in and pulls out a beeper and shuts it off. "A beeper. How very '90s'. Too bad that decade ended. What does it mean?"

"It means" Daria began, as she reached into her coat and pulled out a sharpened wooden stake. "That my parents are safe. Now shall we do this the easy way or the hard way?"

"If you'd care to ask Trent, you'll find that I love to do things the hard way!" With that, Stacy opened up a mystic portal, and leaped through it. Daria didn't hesitate, but quickly leaped after her.

* * *

_"I get by with a little help from my friends."_  
John Lennon - With a Little Help from My Friends

* * *

### Chapter Five

Fifteen minutes earlier.

Freddy had only been a vampire for a few days, and he was nervous. His job was to patrol throughout the hotel. He had just arrived on the roof, but the guy who was supposed to be there wasn't. He called on the phone they'd given him. "Hello? Anyone? This is Freddy. There's no one on the roof. We might have trouble here..."

A familiar voice cut him off. It was Tiffany, his boss on this operation. "Freddy. I had to move the guy from the roof. Stay there until I tell you to move, and don't anyone use the phones, you're supposed to be maintaining radio silence." Freddy felt better. At least nothing was wrong. Unfortunately for Freddy, something was wrong. Down in the room they'd commandeered for the command room, Andrea Hecuba put down the phone, and added a vial, labeled 'Tiffany' to a collection of them in a pouch. She whistled to herself as she made her way to the roof. Freddy proved no trouble at all for her. She dialed the number Daria had given her. Sometimes, helping friends was fun!

Meanwhile, in the vampire's lair, Jane was still hanging by her arms. She noticed that most of the vampires had left. Her enhanced hearing could only place the one guarding her. Which meant that now was the time. Suddenly she realized who it was. Bobby Bighead, from that party at Brittanys. This might not be so hard. "Hey, Bob!"

He glanced up at her, confirming his identity. "C'mon, Bob don't you remember me? From that party at Brittanys? I certainly remember you. I've always regretted not spending more time with you."

"You're just trying to trick me. Well it won't work." He said, but Jane could see that she was getting him. Not knowing how much time she had, she hurried on.

"Oh, come on Bob! We both know when Stacy gets back, I'm going to be either tortured or killed right away. Can't a girl have a bit of fun before she dies? Like a last meal or something." She could see he was tempted, but still afraid of her escaping. "C'mon. You don't even have to untie me. What possible harm can I do you, trussed up like this?" That did it. Bobby Bighead flipped a switch that brought her over the ground, then lowered her. He approached her slowly with his gun trained on her.

"Come on Bobby. Show me how you suck face." As soon as he was in range, she morphed into wolf form and ripped out his throat with her fangs. Then she began to spit and gag. "GAH! That was as gross as I expected. Good thing Daria made me learn how to slip out of ropes." She soon had slipped out of her bonds, and began to make her way stealthily through the caves.

* * *

_"Love, friendship, respect, do not unite people as much as a common hatred for something."_  
Anton Chekhov - Notebooks

* * *

### Chapter Six

Jane was slowly working her way toward Stacy's bedroom. She was surprised that most of the vampires seemed to be in a meeting somewhere. She altered her appearance slightly, so she looked more like Stacy. Soon she reached the door. Her enhanced sense of smell detected Trent inside. She entered. Suddenly someone jumped out and tried to drive a wooden stake into her chest. She wrenched the stake away from her assailant, and morphed into full wolf form. She realized her foe was Quinn. She changed back into half wolf form, and hefted the wooden stake menacingly.

"Jane?" Quinn seemed near tears. "Oh no! I thought I finally had a chance to get rid of Stacy once and for all. DAMN!"

"Alright Quinn, tell me what you know" Jane said menacingly "Or else." She held the wooden stake to make her point.

"Well, it turns out that Stacy was bitten by Linda, instead of Sandi. Linda sent Stacy to set up these caves and spirit a bunch of Lanwdale citizens here. She was chosen by Linda because of her follower nature. But something happened to her here. She changed. Went insane, whatever. When she returned, she was very quiet. I'll never forget what she did to me after she resurrected Tiffany and me. She tortured me in front of Tiffany, and told her that's what would happen to her if she disobeyed. Tiffany was a natural follower anyhow. She stopped torturing me, except to force me to change my looks. She treats me like dirt."

"Where are the rest of Mystik Spiral?"

"They're digging the new tunnels." Quinn gestured to a map on the wall. "Here. That's where all the other slaves are kept."

"All right Quinn. I may regret this later, but get out of here."

"Huh?"

"Get out of these caves. Go to the surface world, and stay out of trouble. If I know your sister, she's going to kill every vampire in these caves. Go back to the surface and stay out of trouble! Or someday you'll be hunted yourself."

"Thank you Jane." Quinn turned into a bat, and flew away.

Jane glanced at her brother, who was still asleep. She decided he'd be safer where he was. She reached over the fireplace and took the vials containing Linda and Sandi. She placed them in her pouch, hefted the wooden stake, and made her way toward the toward the area where Quinn had told her the slaves where.

"She soon saw who was in charge of the slaves. It was Axl, from the tattoo parlor. He had a small remote in his hand. As Jane watched, he pressed a button and Jane saw one of the slaves cringe in pain. "Work faster, ye buggers!" He yelled.

Jane pulled out her wooden stake and ran at Axl. "Hi Axl!" she yelled as she plunged the stake into him "bye Axl!" she said as he turned into dust. She picked up the remote, and punched in a code Daria had taught her. Immediatly, all the collars popped off. Jane looked at them. She desperately wanted to go look for Daria. She had a feeling her friend was in terrible danger. But Daria had made one thing perfectly clear early on.

"Jane, I know we're called _mamano hunters_ but our first responsibility is to protect innocent people. If there are bystanders, get them clear. That is our first priority."

"Dammit." Jane thought to herself. "I've got to get these people clear." She spotted Mr. DeMartino. "Mr. DeMartino, lets get these people out of here!" With his help, along with the assistance of Ms. Defoe and Mystik Spiral Jane quickly had everyone lined up and ruining toward the exit. As they neared the entrance to the tunnel to the surface, Jane took the lead. "Everyone stay alert! There may be guards."

"Not anymore there isn't. Nice to see you again, Jane." Mack said, as he and Jodie led them the rest of the way to the surface. As they arrived, Jane noticed the sun was just beginning to come up. Jane suddenly had a plan.

* * *

_"The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses - behind the lines, in the gym and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights"_  
Muhammad Ali

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### Chapter Seven

Daria emerged from the portal, reaching for Stacy. Stacy managed to elude her grasp, and run away. Daria checked her surroundings. She was in some kind of auditorium. The audience was entirely made up of vampires. Probably over 200 of them. "Great" Daria thought to herself. Then she saw Stacy. She was now wearing leather body armor, and carrying a large glowing sword.

"Good thing I brought my own sword, too." Daria thought as she cast aside her trenchcoat. She had managed to bring through quite a few weapons through a small mystic portal while Stacy had been occupied with Brent Strand, but if she used any of them, the audience would be all over her. She would have to play along, stall until her friends arrived. And if they didn't... she'd have to improvise.

"So, I guess this is your plan 'B', eh Stacy?"

"You know what they say, if you can't get them to join you, beat them." Stacy replied. From the way she was holding the sword, Daria guessed that she'd had some training with that weapon. She raised her sword and rushed at Daria. The two adversaries locked swords, then got down to some serious fencing. Daria could see they were evenly matched in strength and speed. Skill wise, Stacy might have a slight advantage. However, the big advantage Stacy had was that Daria dared not strike her down, because she'd be overrun by the rest of the vampires. She was also beginning to tire. Suddenly, Stacy made a quick slice across Daria's shoulder, drawing blood. A cheer came from the vampire crowd.

"First blood is mine, Daria. Care to surrender? I'm sure I can work you into my organization somewhere. All you need to do is bow down and kiss my feet."

"Well, you can kiss my..."

"Daria! I never knew your tastes ran that way! That was some kiss you gave me at the concert."

"Perhaps my choice of colorful metaphors was unwise. What I meant to say was, 'bite me!'."

"Gee, I'd like to Daria, but we both know that your blood is poisonous to vampires. Now let's finish this!" With that, she rushed at Daria once again. This time she was definitely out for blood. Daria gave up on trying to stall, and concentrated on defending herself. Suddenly, a large wolf ran through the hall entrance and rushed toward the two combatants. Jane-wolf leaped at Stacy, knocking her away from Daria.

"'Bout time you showed up." Daria remarked. "Where's the rest of the calvary?"

"Wait for it. This is my best idea yet!"

"It had better be, 'cause the crowd don't look too happy." The entire vampire audience was in fact out of its collective seats and closing in fast on Daria and Jane. Stacy was in the lead. Jane flipped open a phone.

"In the immortal words of George Harrison, here comes the sun! Now Mack!" Suddenly, there was a large explosion, and the ceiling disintegrated. Soon the sun was shining into the auditorium. Many of the vampires began to explode in the sunlight. Stacy picked up one of the other vampires, and used him as a vampire. Daria grabbed a wooden stake, and took off after her.

* * *

_"Jealousy is no more than feeling alone against smiling enemies"_  
Elizabeth E. Bowen

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### Chapter Eight

Daria pursued Stacy through the curving tunnels. Stacy raced into her bedroom. Daria was in hot pursuit. Stacy jumped on the bed and shook Trent. "Wake up, you fool!" Trent snapped awake. "Destroy her Trent!" Trent approached Daria slowly. Stacy creeps up behind Trent. "You have a choice Daria. You can put that stake through Trent's heart, but then I'll be on you. You could put the stake through my heart, but Trent will kill you. Or you could put the stake through both of us, but then our ashes would be mixed, and you couldn't bring Trent back without bringing me back too. So what's it gonna be, Daria?"

Daria grappled with Trent. Stacy came up behind her and grabbed Daria around the neck. "End of the line, hunter! GAH!"

Suddenly Trent blinked, and coughed. "Hey Daria. What's going on? Last thing I remember I was at the show, and some weird chick was starin' at me?" Daria ignored the question. She was looking at the person who had driven a stake through Stacy. It was Quinn.

"I didn't do it for you Daria. I did it for revenge. Keep this in a safe place." Quinn had been holding a vial that she'd scooped some of Stacy's ashes. She tossed it to Daria. Daria caught it, and during the second her eyes were on the vial, Quinn had dissapeared. Daria considered persuit, but Jodie came in.

"We've wired the place, and we're about to blow the caves."

Daria thought for a minute. Quinn could take care of herself. "Alright, let's get out of here." They all rushed out of the caves, and there was a great explosion as the caves collapsed.

Daria walked up to Jane. "So what all happened?"

"Well, it seems that Stacy spirited a bunch of the Lawndale citizens to these caves for use as slave labor or food or something. It was Linda's idea, appearantly she was planning on double crossing Ms. Li. Anyhow, after Stacy was resurected by Upchuck, she came out here. We managed to get them all out, although Ms. Barch seems to have wondered off. According to Mr. DeMartino, she had to be kept drugged up to get her to obey them, even with the collars. He says she's went around the bend."

"This is news? Anyhow, let's get back to the lair."

The members of Mystik Spiral approached as Daria opened a portal. Danny Morreno was with them. "Hey Daria. Jesse says I could come with you guys."

"Great, just what I needed. A kid sidekick. Welcome aboard. They all stepped through the portal and dissapeared.

### The End

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_Author's Notes_

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Well, this was a bit more of a dark comedy then the rest of the series. I plan to do many more weird things with this series in the future, so be forewarned. Hope you enjoyed it, if not, well don't feel bad. And the Daria in prison scene was largely stolen from Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons classic comic story 'Watchmen' if you haven't read it, you don't know what you're missing! Special feedback thank-you's to Canadibrit and Smoochy Jane. THANKS GUYS! (or gals, but if I refer to CB as a 'gal' she'll KILL me..)  
  


   [1]: mailto:crazynutso@hotmail.com?subject=No More MS Nice Vampire



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